The hill
I will die on: Parisian waiters are not rude – they’re just badly misunderstood
Helen
Massy-Beresford
After
living here for years, I can see through that old stereotype. My tip: if your
server is not full of bonhomie, why not try saying ‘bonjour’?
Sat 18
Jul 2026 05.00 BST
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/jul/18/the-hill-i-will-die-on-paris-waiters-misunderstood-stereotype
Parisian
waiters are professionals, providing an excellent service – they are not rude
or unfriendly, just sometimes slightly misunderstood. No, really, hear me out.
We’re all familiar with the trope of the rude Parisian waiter, looking down
their nose at your inferior wine choice. They have been called “brusque and
unwelcoming”, “snooty and rude” by travellers who voted Paris the unfriendliest
city in the world. But after living here for many years, I’m struggling to
think of an experience that really lives up to the stereotype. Harried and
busy, sometimes, yes. But rude? No.
So why do
Parisian waiters (and let’s face it, Parisians) have a such a bad reputation?
Partly, it’s about misunderstandings. Good manners and greetings between
strangers in France are quite formal and can (and did, to this Brit, arriving
in 2007) seem a little frosty. There are golden rules that many visitors
unwittingly break and the big one is “bonjour”. Or rather, a lack of “bonjour”.
Going into a shop or a restaurant in Paris (or anywhere in France) and not
greeting the staff is incredibly rude. That means many waiters or shop staff in
touristy areas are actually, by French rules, being snubbed thousands of times
a day. No wonder some of them feel a little grumpy.
It is a
cultural difference that often catches visitors to France unawares, as
acknowledged before the 2024 Paris Olympic and Paralympic Games, when campaigns
to better welcome visitors aimed to improve Parisians’ understanding of
tourists. Now I’ve been here a long time, however, I’m with the disgruntled
waiters – it is rude not to properly acknowledge the person serving your lunch
or scanning your groceries. Even if now on UK trips, my cheerful hellos to
Sainsbury’s staff do draw some baffled looks.
Once you
have got past the bonjour barrier, maybe your complaint will be that your
server is a little … bossy. Here, the problem is mismatched expectations. In
France, being a waiter is not just a stopgap job, it’s a real career, with
qualifications and progression – and, in a restaurant, there is a right way and
a wrong way for things to be done.
The
server despairing at your choice of a well-done steak is not being a snob, they
just want to stop you from making a terrible mistake that could ruin your
lunch. That’s not to say you have to do as you are told. If you really want
milk in your post-lunch coffee or red wine with your choucroute (it “should” be
white, to match the wine it’s cooked in), then of course you can. Standing your
ground and politely but firmly pushing back, as in many other areas of French
life, usually results in a warmer, friendlier exchange.
If all
else fails and you still find Parisian waiters rude, then just bring your
children, or borrow someone else’s. I’ve lost count of the number of kind
waiters who have brought mine crayons or sweets, or let a desperate one sneak
in to use the loo (even in some quite snooty-looking places). My favourite
though was the waiter who offered to cut up my croque monsieur for me, or hold
my baby while I did it. Now that was service with a smile – and something I
have never encountered in London.
Helen
Massy-Beresford is a British journalist and editor who lives in Paris
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